I am a pre-planner like that.
I have had years that my Lent has been about giving up: chocolate, self-doubt, social media. I have had other years where my Lent has been about taking on: reading, contemplative prayer, making time for others.
To be honest, sometimes when Lent rolls around it feels like a chance for New Year's Resolution 2.0, a re-do, a second chance because somehow the unrealistic expectation I set for myself a month ago is going to suddenly become realistic. Magic God will show up and my resolve will be stronger. This usually just ends with further disappointment and a reminder that God isn't in the business of mind control... She's far more concerned with our hearts.
Preparing our hearts for something doesn't often mean we need to live in a black and white world of no ____________ till Easter but rather the infinity more difficult existence of wresting with our own humanity and mortality. The gray space of life. When we are told on Ash Wednesday that, we are but dust and to dust we shall return, it's no mistake that our kick-off to the season is a reminder that we are mortal. You and I and every person we encounter will someday die. That is a truth our culture works incredibly hard to cover up. It is counter-cultural to live as though we are going to die. We live in a world that tells us we can be and do anything but constantly leaves out the universal truth that we are all going to die. We begin and end made up of the same stuff. At this moment we are in between dust and dust.
Lent is our chance to enter that space as Christ did before his death.
I know deep in my soul that eternity is ahead for each of us but I have no earthly understanding of it. I'm fairly sure it's not fairy wings and cloud jumping but I could be wrong about that, too. For much of my young life I put a lot of energy into trying to figure out what was next to ease the fear I had of death. As I have worked to accept my own mortality the strong grip I had on unlocking the mystery of eternity has released and I long more to be present in the Kingdom of God I am currently a part of.
Last month there was a missile scare in Hawaii. An alert went out informing residents that a ballistic missile was headed to the islands. I was born and raised in Hawaii and most of my family and friends still live there. The stories that have unfolded regarding the half and hour before the alert was deemed a mistake have rooted deep within me.
Declarations of love, apologies, words of affirmation. Parents fighting like hell to be with their children and strangers helping each other in selfless ways.
People were not calling others to remind them how much they hated them. People were not concerned about another's immigration status or gender or orientation or voting history. There were not lines of people at ATMs withdrawing all their money.
In a moment when an entire state's mortality was suddenly thrown in their faces reactions were that of love, connection, and caring.
This Lent, what if we threw caution to the wind and lived as if we were going to die?
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