There once was a couple who was celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. And lo those many years they had worked together, struggled together, laughed together, cried together. It had been a rich life and there was much to celebrate. But one thing troubled the wife, with all that they had shared the wife couldn’t remember her husband ever telling her that he loved her. So she decided to ask. “Honey,” the wife said, “why don’t you tell me that you love me?” The husband, a bit surprised, replied, “When we got married I told you that I loved you. I figured if anything ever changed I’d let you know.”
Well that may work for some people, but probably not most. And likely that wouldn’t work for Jesus given our gospel reading today. It is the fourth and final account of the risen Christ appearing to his followers.
After enjoying a fish breakfast together on the shores of the Sea of Tiberias, Jesus turns to Peter and asks, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Now there are lots of things to say about this passage. First, it’s curious that Jesus uses Peter’s original name Simon. The only other time Jesus calls Peter by that name is roughly three years prior upon first meeting and calling him to follow. Then there’s the part about asking the question three times. It certainly echoes Peter’s triple denial of Jesus and now gives Peter an opportunity to mend and restore his relationship with Jesus. But beyond that there seems to be something else going on here. Something that is much easier to see and hear in the original Greek text verses in our English translation. Now, to be clear, Jesus and Peter did not speak Greek. The language of their day was Aramaic. So John’s gospel does not provide a word for word report of their conversation. Nonetheless, the intent is to communicate something about God and the author does that particularly with the use of certain vocabulary. Specifically when it comes to the word for love.
Now to our ears we hear Jesus asking the very same question over and over again. Do you love me? Do you love me? Do you love me? That’s because love is all the same in English. Our language does not distinguish between various forms of love. The way we do that is by using an adjective like parental love, brotherly love, romantic love, and so on. But the Greek is more precise. There are different words used for different types of love.
If you’ve been in the church for very long you probably know one of the Greek words for love, agape. Agape is considered the highest form of love. It is unconditional. Self-sacrificing. It's the kind of love that God has for us and is embodied in Jesus. When Jesus asks Peter do you love me? He uses the word agape. And we hear Peter answer that question with, “Yes Lord…I love you.” But here’s the rub, Peter doesn't use the same word for love that Jesus uses. Instead he responds with a different Greek word, Philo. And philo is a love of friendship. It’s true and sincere, but it’s a bit less on the scale of love. It’s more reciprocal, like the bond between friends. So Jesus asks the question again, maybe in order to clarify or to give Peter another chance. “Simon, son of John, do you agape-love me?” Peter responds, “Yes, Lord…I philo-love you.” It’s on the third query that Jesus changes it up. “Simon, son of John, do you…not agape-love me, but do you… philo-love me?” And Peter basically says, “Yes, Lord. That’s the kind of love I can love you with, a friendship type of love.”
Now, let’s not be too hard on Peter. Perhaps he answered the way he did because he was being honest. After living through the horrors of Jesus’ arrest and crucifixion he knew himself better. He had come face to face with his limitations. Surely, he remembered how at the Last Supper he had boldly declared that he would stick with Jesus till the end, pledging, “I will lay down my life for you.” Only to discover that when he genuinely felt threatened he was quick to deny any association. And in addition to that, Peter had seen what happened to Jesus. He knew beyond a shadow of a doubt what could happen when you really surrendered yourself and loved with an agape type of love. It was no easy path.
But the risen Christ does not come in order to condemn, but to transform. That is why, I believe, that Jesus changes his language of love in the third and final question. “Simon, son of John, do you philo-love me?” Because in changing that one word Jesus meets Peter where he is. He accepts Peter with all of his struggles and limitations and loves him from there.
And that’s how God operates with all of us, not just Peter. I don’t know about you, but I am keenly aware that I fall short in my attempts to love. Sure there are times where I come through. When I allow God’s Spirit to flow in and through me. But there are plenty of other times that, like Peter, despite my best intentions, I fail. I judge others harshly. I turn a blind eye to someone in need, I refuse to sacrifice my comfort, my privilege, my security for the benefit of another. There are countless ways that I fail to follow Jesus in the way of love.
Yet I am not condemned. Amazingly, I am loved. And so are you. No matter what you’ve done or not done. How you’ve risen to the occasion or failed miserably. You are not condemned either. You are loved. Loved with God’s unconditional, self-sacrificing, agape love. A love that sees you and knows you and accepts you just as you are, wherever you are.
At the end of the exchange between Jesus and Peter, Jesus concludes with the familiar words, “Follow me.” But at this point in their relationship - and hopefully in our relationship with Christ, as well - it no longer sounds like an imperative command, but instead feels like what it truly is, an intimate invitation. An invitation that our hearts desire to accept. For it is an invitation to live into the fullness of life, the resurrection life, that finds all of its power and meaning in love. For as we follow Jesus, however imperfectly, we follow love, and by the simple act of faith and trust in that love, over time, we are transformed. Jesus’ question is not just for Peter, but for us all. “Do you love me?” he asks. However we might answer that question God will meet us where we are and love us - love us into the deepest, richest, purest love that lasts forever.
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