Doubt: A component of faith. April 16, 2023. The Rev. Kathleen M. Sturges

John 20:19-31

Once upon a time there was a couple who were engaged to be married but, unfortunately, before their wedding day they had a car accident and died. But in hopes of making lemonade out of lemons, as they stood before the pearly gates, they wondered if perhaps they could get married in heaven. So they asked St. Peter if that was possible. “Well,” he said as he scratched his head, “it’s quite rare, but let me see what I can do.” And left the couple in a heavenly waiting room as he went back to check. A couple of months went by and still no St. Peter. As the couple waited, doubt began to creep in. Given the eternal aspect that their marriage would have in heaven maybe they should reconsider. Could they really love each other for all of time? The doubts grew as they continued to wait until finally, after another month or so Peter returned looking rather bedraggled, but triumphant as he announced, “Yes, you can get married!” Surprisingly the couple didn’t seem so happy with the news. “What if it doesn’t work out, can we get a divorce?“ they asked. Well, upon hearing this Peter slammed down his clipboard and exclaimed, “It took me 3 whole months to find a priest up here. Do you have any idea how long it will take to find a lawyer?!”

 It seems that doubt can creep in anywhere, anytime - not so sure about in heaven, but certainly in church. Because the things that we proclaim as true can seem rather far fetched. Which is likely why every year the Sunday after Easter, seven days after we have celebrated the amazing news of Jesus’ resurrection, we always, without fail, hear the story from the gospel of John. Because, come on, someone being raised from the dead? Who wouldn’t in their right mind wouldn’t register some degree of doubt?

 Hence we are presented with Doubting Thomas. Isn’t it interesting, though, that we don’t call the disciple Thomas just by his first name? Why is it that he, of all the apostles, has an insult attached to his name? Peter denied Christ three times, but no one calls him Denying Peter. Judas, who commits the highest of treason, is not commonly referred to as Betraying Judas. It’s only Thomas who cannot rest in peace with just his given name. No, poor guy, he’s forever branded Doubting Thomas.

 Perhaps we hold onto that moniker so doggedly because we need him as a stand-in for us all. For doubt is no foreign concept. Just the opposite, doubt and uncertainty is almost a universal experience. Which makes me wonder, what is it that you harbor doubt about right now? Do you doubt  if your kids will be ok? Or if your finances will be able to meet your needs? Our health is always fraught with uncertainty. And relationships can make us feel unsure. We often doubt ourselves - that inner critic can be especially harsh. And when it comes to God we can doubt God’s presence or God’s goodness. We can doubt if God will show up in adversity. We can even doubt if Easter is really true or, if true, makes any difference in this life. We are people filled with doubt.

And includes the disciples.

It’s Easter evening for them in our reading today. The resurrection is behind them. Mary Magdalene has told them, “I have seen the Lord.” Peter and another disciple have verified the tomb is empty and, we are told, that the other disciple saw and believed. But still things are unsure. There’s probably hope and excitement among them, but also a lot of confusion and uncertainty. So the disciples gather behind locked doors in fear. And what happens? Jesus comes. In their confusion, in their doubt, in their isolation, Jesus comes. Oftentimes we might think that it’s up to us to find Jesus when we are feeling lost, yet here Jesus is finding them. Jesus is not to be found on the other side of fear, confusion, and withdrawal. Jesus comes to the disciples in the midst of all of that. He comes to the place where they are. Which means that Jesus comes to you, right where you are, even now. And his greeting is one of peace. Not chastisement for failing him when he needed them most. There’s no lecture about how they should have done better. It’s simply and profoundly, “Peace be with you.” That is how the resurrected Christ comes to all those who falter, with peace and with love.

 But what about Thomas? Well, for whatever reason he’s not there in the room that evening when Jesus comes among them. And he’s hard pressed to believe what his closest friends are telling him about Jesus being alive. There are so many other explanations that would make more sense than the notion of Jesus coming back from the dead - including, but not limited to, mass hallucination, wishful thinking, they could all just be lying, maybe there’s someone who looks just like Jesus. But being raised from the dead? Doubtful. “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe," declares our doubting Thomas.

 So Jesus comes again with the same greeting of peace and then a specific invitation for one struggling disciple, to see, to touch, to believe. Thomas then responds with one of the most dramatic declarations of  faith, “My Lord and my God!” And Jesus doesn’t dispute that. He allows it to stand.

 We all have our doubts. Doubt is a component of faith. We spend our lives toggling between faith and doubt in so many areas of our lives. Yet doubt can be painful, especially when it comes to love. No one wants to doubt if they are loved. And that’s the assurance that Thomas receives in his encounter with the risen Christ today - he doesn’t necessarily receive the answer to all of his questions, the hows and whys of resurrection. But Jesus does  answer the most important question that deep down all of us have. Am I loved? And the answer is an emphatic, “Yes!” God comes to all of us doubters with that same answer, to Thomas and the disciples, to you and me. We are all so dearly, so fiercely, so passionately loved by God - more than we can even imagine. Although that might leave us still with many questions and doubts, God’s love can hold us until we have what answers we need or our doubts are assuaged.

 Because it’s important to notice, Jesus connects with Thomas through his wounds and vulnerability. And this is how Jesus comes to us. Not so much in our mountaintop experiences, when we’ve got it all together, but in the places where we are frail and full of fear and uncertainty. It’s then that Jesus comes with grace and mercy and peace. He is not impeded by doubts or fears or confusion. He does not abandon his disciples nor does he abandon us. No. The resurrected Christ comes to you wherever you are because the Lord is risen. And, I dare say, there’s no doubt about it.