From Deacon Lawrence
Since April 2015, morning prayer has been part of my prayer, scripture,
and worship life. We pray, read psalms and canticles, and scripture (Old
Testament, Epistle, and Gospel). On Ash Wednesday 2018 we began to include Forward Day by Day. We read the
scripture-related essay and the little bit at the bottom of the page, “Moving
Forward.” It can be about gratitude, forgiving others, seeing Jesus on the
sidewalk, and much more.
On Wednesday, May 23, our Gospel reading, from Luke, was the story of
Jesus calming the storm and the Forward
Day by Day writer gave us a poem. At the bottom of the page:
Moving
Forward: Write your own poem about
this familiar gospel story.
I took up the challenge and wrote this prose
poem.
Perfect weather at the shore, yet
Half across, the sky darkened,
the wind blew,
the waves rose,
the boat rocked
mightily.
But I was with friends, I was with Jesus.
We were OK.
With a ferocity I had not seen,
the storm grew,
the wind howled,
the waves crashed
over our little boat.
Struggling with sail and oars and rudder,
we were fighting for
our lives
against tons of
water and unbearable wind.
We tried to steady our boat
but we could only
fight to stay on board.
It was then that the gut-wrenching terror came:
I would die that
day.
A wall of water
would come that I could not defeat
and I would be
gone—
carried away like a
grain of sand on the shore.
I would see
nothing
but water, debris, foam, and turbulence
hear nothing
but the sound of my own breath crushed
from my body
feel nothing
but the burn of the water as I
struggled to breathe.
When Jesus
was born, the angels sang, “Fear not,”
but this is my death, not my birth, and
I am very afraid.
I heard
voices, Andrew and Peter, screaming for Jesus.
Where was he? Was he going to die with
us?
No. There – in the bow – was Jesus. He was asleep.
We’re drowning and he’s asleep?
All we’ve been through and now,
we’re drowning and
he’s asleep?
Anger replaced terror.
“What about me,
Lord?”
“Save me Lord, I am
afraid.”
He woke, banished the wind and calmed the sea.
How can this be? No one controls the wind and the sea.
My fear was just a moment gone
and I was full of
nothing.
I did not know what
happened.
I looked at Jesus as one might look at a leper,
trying to
understand who and what this was.
My mind, my heart,
could take in nothing—
nothing made sense.
I looked at Jesus, familiar yet unknown.
Who was this man?
Who was this Son of
Man as he calls himself?
In a moment, my heart and mind cleared of my unknowing
and I was flooded
with love from him.
But, “Where is your faith?” he asked.
My face burning with shame,
I looked away,
looked to the deck.
He tried so hard to
teach us
yet we never seemed
to understand
what he was doing
and now I am
ashamed.
I looked at Jesus, knowing nothing else to do
and saw the Son of
Man
this Being beyond
knowing.
He looked at me the way he does.
My eyes met his and I looked into eternity
though I did not
know what that meant.
I know he sees my soul and all my brokenness,
and he loves me
anyway.
He sees my brokenness,
and loves me anyway.
We reached the shore and began to walk with him
on this journey that
began in a moment of acceptance,
going we know not
where.
It matters not, because we are walking with him,
this Being so
familiar yet so unknown.
I am full of questions about this man,
but they are as
nothing,
because I love him,
because he loves
me.
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