Let go. September 12, 2021. The Rev. Kathleen M. Sturges

Mark 8:27-38

“Let go of the rock!” I heard the river guide yell. I was about 12 years old, alone in the middle of white water rapids. It was a vacation that had gone awry. Uncharacteristically, my family signed up for an adventure rafting trip down the Stanislaus River in California. The guide reassured us that it would be perfectly safe excursion. Everyone would have a life jacket on and the only people who fell out of the boat were those who were asking for it. Famous last words... 

So there I was, along with my family and the larger group, life jacket on, paddle in hand, straddling an inflatable raft heading into our first rapids. I was excited and determined to do my part. “Forward,” the guide shouted and I paddled forward. “Back!” he commanded and I earnestly paddled backwards. But somewhere in the middle of all that paddling I realized that I wasn’t pushing water around anymore. I was paddling air because I had popped out of the boat. And then,splash! I was in cold, choppy waters being tossed to and fro, completely out of control until the current pushed me against a large rock. From that vantage point I could see the raft waiting at the bottom of the rapids. And that’s when I heard over the roar of the water the guide’s words, “Let go of the rock!” ”Are you kidding me?” I thought. I knew my circumstances were not ideal, but it seemed a lot better than the alternative. Letting go of the rock meant entering into the unpredictable rapids, being tossed and turned by forces greater than I. It meant loss of control and that is a very scary thing. Yet even then I knew the more I clung to the rock, the more stuck I was. The only way to a better situation, a better life, was to let go. And so I did.

Jesus speaks of something similar when he tells says those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake, and for the sake of the gospel, will save it.

His point being, the harder you try to hold onto your life, the more you desire to control it, the more you seek to preserve your life as is, the more stuck you will become, and the less will actually live.

That is a hard truth. So no wonder Peter pushes back by rebuking Jesus. God’s Messiah, the Christ, is not supposed to let go of his life, to suffer and die. He is supposed to live and reign. Peter had the right idea - that through God in Christ all shall be well - but he was totally wrong about the way it would happen. It wasn’t going to happen through control and power and might, but by surrender and love and sacrifice. That was Jesus’ plan and if we are to truly live it needs to become our plan too.

If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. Yes, this saying of Jesus has been preached to destructive extremes. Nonetheless, it should not be ignored for the self-denial of which Jesus speaks of is not about denying our needs or squashing our desires or silently suffering. That leads to death, not life. Rather it was the Trappist monk, Thomas Merton, who was the first to suggest that the self that Jesus wants us to deny here is not our bodily self, but our false self. Now you may or may not have ever heard of the false self, but I bet you know what I’m talking about. It’s the self in you that acts from a place of fear, control or isolation. The false self gets overwhelmed by stress, doubt, and insecurity. It is performance and achievement focused. It’s driven by ego and the unending demands of “I, me, mine.” Ultimately, what makes this self false is that it is disconnected from divine love. When Jesus talks about denying ourselves he’s not talking about denying the genuine needs of body, mind or spirit. But in order to truly live we are to deny our False Self so that our True Self, which is our Christ Self can live.

And surely there are times where we have experienced this true, Christ Self. It’s those moments when you operate from a place of calm and connection. When you feel secure, accepted, and peaceful. When you are able to see all people, even your enemies, through the eyes of compassion. When at the heart of what you do, say, and think is self-giving, self-sacrificing. When you feel rooted and ground in divine love. This is when you are living out of your Christ Self and you are fully alive.

Every moment of every day Jesus invites us to live this true life by calling us to deny the smallness that our False Self desperately clings to. But we so often resist because that type of denying, that letting go, means a loss of control and that can be a very scary thing - so scary that it can even feel like dying. But by letting go of our false self - first by recognizing it and then by choosing to surrender it over and over and over again to God - our Christ Self is allowed to emerge. And we experience abundant life enfolded in God’s love.

You would think that after the first time I fell out of the raft I would have learned my lesson. But oh no, I fell out again, and I believe I fell out a third time before it dawned on me that perhaps I should do something different. But before I wised up, each time I was thrown into the rapids I eventually found myself pushed up against a rock. As tempting as it was to stay nestled against the false security the rock offered me I knew I needed to let go. I had to trust what the river guide - that I would be better off letting go. And he was right.

If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake, and for the sake of the gospel, will save it.

Let go: let go and live.