Mark 9:30-37
So here’s the study that Harvard researchers did. It consisted of a simple choice: Would you rather earn $50,000 a year while other people make $25,000, or would you rather earn $100,000 a year while other people make $250,000? And you can assume that the prices of all goods and services remain the same regardless of the choice you make. So what would you choose? Well, the majority of respondents said they would prefer to make $50,000 while others make $25,000. In other words, they would rather go with $50,000 less as long as they knew that they were making more than other people. Seriously. Different studies have been conducted along these same lines, and the results are always the same. In one case, people had to choose between Option A and Option B. In Option A, you are waiting in line at a movie theater and you end up being the 100,000th customer, so you get $100. In Option B, you are standing in line at a movie theater and the person in front of you is the one millionth customer and gets $1,000. But because you are next in line, you receive $150. In Option A, you get a hundred bucks. In Option B, you get a hundred and fifty bucks, but the guy in front of you gets a thousand. Which would you choose? In that study, most people chose Option A: they would rather receive less money than have someone else get more than they do.
What’s that about? Why do we need to make more than other people do? And move beyond the realm of money. The Olympics just took place this summer. You know what the Olympic motto is? Citius, Altius, Fortius — Faster, Higher, Stronger. People devote their lives to running half a second faster than anyone else, or jumping two centimeters higher. Sports teams spend billions of dollars worldwide to be better than other teams. And, of course, that just reflects the society around us. Humans constantly strive to be smarter, prettier, more talented, more successful than their neighbors. Social media just amplifies this phenomenon, as people compare their haircuts, their children, their vacations, their lives with the curated versions of other people’s lives they see online. The letter of James today warns us against envy and selfish ambition, but that’s kind of tough because so much of our consumer-driven, advertising-drenched, image-obsessed, hyper-competitive society is based on envy and selfish ambition. I may not be great, but if I can just be a little better than you, then I’m okay.
Or am I? In the Gospel today, Jesus talks about laying down his life for others. So the disciples are discussing the beauty of self-giving love, and wondering how they can emulate Jesus. Not! They’re arguing. And what are they arguing about? Who is the greatest? Can you imagine such a discussion? “I’m more faithful in my prayer life than you are.” “Yeah, but I’m a better preacher than you.” “I healed more people last week than you did.” “Jesus talks to me more than he talks to you.” We might feel horrified that they would actually put such thoughts into words, but we all know where they’re coming from. Honestly, how many times have you compared yourself to others? How many times have you found some kind satisfaction in convincing yourself that you are somehow better than someone else? How much time and energy have we all devoted to such nonsense? How often has it left us feeling anxious and unhappy?
The writer Flannery O’Connor wisely observed that “comparison is the thief of joy.” Comparing ourselves to others serves no healthy purpose. Whether it stokes our vanity or wounds our pride, it says that our worth and our well-being all come down to how we stack up against others. Worse, it posits that my happiness actually depends on your unhappiness. I would say that that’s no way to go through life, except that so many people do just that, without even really thinking about it. But Jesus offers us awareness — and a way out.
In our Gospel today, Jesus takes a child in his arms and talks about welcoming her. It’s an image that works on many levels. To begin with, it punctures the pride of his disciples by reminding them that they are never too important or too busy competing with each other to care for the most vulnerable among us. But more powerfully, that unnamed child in Jesus’ arms is . . . you. And me. And everyone. Christ welcomes us and loves us unconditionally, regardless of how smart, beautiful, successful, or rich we may or may not be because that is the way God his Abba loves. That’s the way it works in all healthy parent-child relationships. We don’t love our newborn babies because they are successful businesswomen or starting quarterbacks. We just love them. And they let us love them. And there is no substitute for that kind of love. Once we know and experience such love from God, we never need to compare ourselves with others again. Our worth is infinite; we are adored and valued just the way we are. If we want to stop scrambling and wasting our lives in the doomed effort to try to find some degree of self-worth by being better than others, then we need to accept like children that God already loves us beyond measure, that we are already cherished for who we are. Jesus says exactly this in Mark’s Gospel: Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it (Mark 10:15).
I cannot make you receive God’s love. Jesus Christ, who does no violence, will not force you to accept his love. I can only encourage all of us to let down our guard and allow the Holy Spirit to convey to us how much God loves us. And not just allow it but ask for it. And in my experience, that takes time: it’s an ongoing process of conversion. We let some of that love in, until it bumps up against some self-judgment or self-hatred within us. And then we pray for grace and healing until that self-judgment or self-hatred dissolves, leading us into ever deeper levels of love and acceptance. It’s not always an easy process: we so often resist the very thing we crave; what we frantically try to earn by beating others can only be received as a gift. But even if we fight the gift, the Giver is infinitely patient. When we let her, God will show each one of us that we are precious beyond compare.
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