I was visiting with a parishioner today who is dealing with a significant medical problem. We talked, I prayed with him, and he ended our conversation by saying, "Many other people have it so much worse than I do."
It's the kind of statement I hear so often that I almost don't hear it. Almost. The fact is, though, that I am acutely aware of our inveterate tendency to compare ourselves with other people over everything, even including our ailments! Sometimes the results are innocuous, as in this conversation, but often they are actually harmful:
She's prettier than I am.
He's smarter.
She prays better.
He sings better.
Her gifts are more important than mine.
His talents are worth more than mine.
This family has a bigger house.
That family went on a nicer vacation.
Everyone else is happier than I am.
Everyone else is a better person than I am.
I have heard people say all these things to me. And I have seen how such sentiments can corrode a person's sense of self-worth and value. Whole books have been written on why people do this to themselves, but I just want to point out that God does not do this to us. God is not in the comparison business. When the disciples of Jesus argue about which of them is the greatest (at least they are up-front about their insecurities and their need for affirmation!), Jesus will have none of it. Each of them is called to love and serve in her or his own special way. They are all precious just by being themselves.
What if we actually believed that?
An old Jewish story recounts that as Rabbi Eliezer approached death, his students and disciples felt overwhelming grief. Eliezer had taught them so much about Torah and about living in right relationship with God and other people. They dreaded losing him, but they also knew that he could still teach them one more thing: what it means to die a holy death. And so one of his followers said to him: “Rabbi, you are about to come into the presence of the Living God and stand before the throne of judgment. Are you not afraid that you will be compared to the great ones of our faith, men like Moses and Elijah, and be found wanting?” The rabbi looked intently at the young man and said: “I do not worry that that the Holy One, Blessed be His Name, will ask me: ‘Why were you not Moses?’ or ‘Why were you not Elijah?’ Rather, I am afraid he will ask me, ‘Why were you not Eliezer?’”
We have the opportunity of a lifetime to be ourselves, to be the person no one else can ever be. I find it so liberating to remember that. I don't have to be like this priest or that bishop. I don't have to worry that other people have gifts I don't have or defensively point out that I have gifts they don't have. None of us needs to engage in such nonsense! It's a waste of life and produces no good fruit. Far better to view ourselves the way God views us: as utterly unique and priceless individuals who are lovable just the way we are. What if we actually believed that? We would embrace and use our own gifts. We would rejoice when others embrace and use their gifts. We would all be blessed by each other even as we would all just be ourselves. And we would stop wasting all the time and energy we devote to comparing ourselves with others. Such is life in Christ: there is no comparison.
It's the kind of statement I hear so often that I almost don't hear it. Almost. The fact is, though, that I am acutely aware of our inveterate tendency to compare ourselves with other people over everything, even including our ailments! Sometimes the results are innocuous, as in this conversation, but often they are actually harmful:
She's prettier than I am.
He's smarter.
She prays better.
He sings better.
Her gifts are more important than mine.
His talents are worth more than mine.
This family has a bigger house.
That family went on a nicer vacation.
Everyone else is happier than I am.
Everyone else is a better person than I am.
I have heard people say all these things to me. And I have seen how such sentiments can corrode a person's sense of self-worth and value. Whole books have been written on why people do this to themselves, but I just want to point out that God does not do this to us. God is not in the comparison business. When the disciples of Jesus argue about which of them is the greatest (at least they are up-front about their insecurities and their need for affirmation!), Jesus will have none of it. Each of them is called to love and serve in her or his own special way. They are all precious just by being themselves.
What if we actually believed that?
An old Jewish story recounts that as Rabbi Eliezer approached death, his students and disciples felt overwhelming grief. Eliezer had taught them so much about Torah and about living in right relationship with God and other people. They dreaded losing him, but they also knew that he could still teach them one more thing: what it means to die a holy death. And so one of his followers said to him: “Rabbi, you are about to come into the presence of the Living God and stand before the throne of judgment. Are you not afraid that you will be compared to the great ones of our faith, men like Moses and Elijah, and be found wanting?” The rabbi looked intently at the young man and said: “I do not worry that that the Holy One, Blessed be His Name, will ask me: ‘Why were you not Moses?’ or ‘Why were you not Elijah?’ Rather, I am afraid he will ask me, ‘Why were you not Eliezer?’”
We have the opportunity of a lifetime to be ourselves, to be the person no one else can ever be. I find it so liberating to remember that. I don't have to be like this priest or that bishop. I don't have to worry that other people have gifts I don't have or defensively point out that I have gifts they don't have. None of us needs to engage in such nonsense! It's a waste of life and produces no good fruit. Far better to view ourselves the way God views us: as utterly unique and priceless individuals who are lovable just the way we are. What if we actually believed that? We would embrace and use our own gifts. We would rejoice when others embrace and use their gifts. We would all be blessed by each other even as we would all just be ourselves. And we would stop wasting all the time and energy we devote to comparing ourselves with others. Such is life in Christ: there is no comparison.
Thank you for that reminder.
ReplyDelete